Crack Rock Capital

Capital Markets · Distribution · Excess

There’s no nobility
in poverty.

The Floor is the firm’s capital markets and distribution arm. We don’t do whisper rounds. We don’t do second meetings. We pick up the phone, we don’t hang up until we close, and we do not — under any circumstances — leave money on the table.

“The name of the game: move the money from your client’s pocket into your pocket.”
— Mark Hanna, Senior Advisor

Loading the floor…

The Floor

Pick up the phone and start dialing.

Our distribution team operates a 24,000 sq ft trading floor in Lake Success, New York. Three shifts. No windows. No exits.

JB

Jordan R. Belfort

Head of Capital Markets

Founder of the firm's distribution platform. Pioneer of the proprietary Straight Line Methodology. Has personally raised more in a single afternoon than most banks raise in a quarter. Reformed.

Sell the dream.

DA

Donnie Azoff

Co-Head, Capital Markets

Childhood friend of the founder. Architect of the firm's signature high-energy retail channel. Has eaten one (1) goldfish during a sales meeting. Will eat more if the comp justifies it.

Are you serious right now?

MH

Mark Hanna

Senior Advisor & Mentor

Twenty-five years on Wall Street. Coined the firm's foundational principle: that the only economic obligation is to move money from the client's pocket to your pocket. Lunch is a three-martini affair.

Fugayzi. Fugazi. It's a wazy.

BB

Brad Bodnick

West Coast Distribution

Operates the firm's Bayside, Queens distribution hub. Independent contractor. Brings unmatched access to the Long Island affluent retail channel. Does not, repeat does not, work for Stratton.

I'm Brad. F'in Brad.

The Pitch · Interactive

Sell me this pen.

The four-step methodology taught in the firm’s onboarding program. Click through each step. Then go pick up the phone.

Step 1

Sell me this pen.

What does the prospect do? They describe the pen. The ink. The grip. The brand. They are selling features. They are losing.

The Lesson

Features are for losers. The pen sells itself once the buyer has a reason to need it.

1 / 4
$22B
Capital deployed since 1989
Net of legal settlements.
187
IPOs led
Including 23 retroactively re-categorized as 'expressions of enthusiasm.'
1,200+
Brokers trained on the floor
Average tenure: 11 months. Average compensation: bananas.
0
Days without an HR incident
Streak began Tuesday. Reset Wednesday.

The Straight Line

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself.

— The Wolf of Wall Street, 2013

Open an Account

Crack Rock Capital is not currently registered with any regulatory body. This is, technically, a feature.